Your friends want to go to church - you just need to ask them

I’ve had my fair share of knock-backs over the years as I’ve tried to share my faith with my football team, colleagues, friends and neighbours.

In the 2000s, against the backdrop of New Atheism, mentioning the mere fact that I went to church was usually met with an incredulous: “You go to church? Really?!” So, the idea of inviting a friend to come with me often felt beyond absurd.  

Christianity was frequently portrayed as outdated, judgmental or simply irrelevant. Why would anyone want to be invited to be a part of something like that? But lately, things have changed. 

“Can I come to church with you at some point?” asked my buddy at football recently. “Am I allowed to come with you to church on Sunday?” a friend asked my daughter. “My mum might want to come too,” she added. 

Gone are the days of blank faces or awkward refusals; research now suggests that people are not just more open to being invited to church –they’re waiting to be asked.  

Only God can change someone’s life. Our job is just to share what we have experienced

For more than 25 years, I’ve had the privilege of working closely with local churches across the UK as they look to share the Christian faith. We’ve always known that, more than billboards and promotional campaigns, the most effective way of helping people explore the claims of Jesus is a personal invitation from a friend. 

But many of us have grown up with those around us being disinterested in church – even openly mocking our faith. We subconsciously carry that baggage with us, saying people’s ‘no’ for them because, every other time, ‘no’ was the response we got.  

New hope

But recent research from Tearfund gives us some very helpful - and hopeful statistics. This Christmas, 45 per cent of Brits plan to attend church. That’s almost half the population – or practically every other person. 

Building on Bible Society’s Quiet Revival report, it’s clear that our context has changed. So rather than keeping our heads down and always being on the back foot, we need to raise our heads and step into what God is doing.  

We need to unlearn what we have learned from previous decades and join with God in this new missional moment. We need to rediscover the power of the invitation - and trust that the same invitation we may have made ten or 20 years ago lands differently today. 

But unlearning isn’t easy. Here are five things I have discovered along the way… 

1. Be prayerful 

I recently helped one church congregation to think through who they would like to invite to their carol service. Each person made a shortlist and prayed for those individuals, that their hearts may be open and that there would be an opportunity to make the invitation.  

Who might you stop and pray for right now? As we pray, we believe God will work in the lives of those we pray for - but he also does something in our hearts, too. One lady made a list of five people, prayed and then invited them. All of them attended! 

That doesn’t always happen - and we need to remember that we faithfully pray and invite, the rest is up to God.  

2. Be relational  

We can sometimes think we need to have a fully scripted marketing pitch to persuade someone to come to church, but I find it helpful to remember that’s not how I would invite someone to a birthday party or to see a movie; an invitation is not a sales pitch.  

You can say something as simple as: “I’m going to a Christmas church service that I really enjoy on Sunday, would you like to come with me?” Think of it as an offer of a shared experience. 

3. Be honest 

Whenever I make an invitation, there can be questions like: “Can my missus come?” or: “How long is the service?” 

People are more open to joining us when they know what to expect. So, make sure you’ve done your homework and have all the details. If it’s a traditional carol service or a family-friendly nativity complete with children dressed as angels, let them know. Whenever I invite a friend to church, I always meet them beforehand so we can walk in together and I also make sure to introduce them to people and involve them in conversation.  

4. Be attentive  

Whenever I bring someone new to church, I offer to explain anything that doesn’t make sense, being attentive to the questions they have. For example, why we only sing certain carol verses on Christmas Day, what we mean by ‘advent’ or why the church does so many community projects. 

We need to unlearn what we have learnt from previous decades and join with God in this new missional moment

Interestingly, one of the key research findings reveals that two in five UK adults (42 per cent) say they, or someone they know, have accessed food support from a church at Christmas, which is pretty staggering! Perhaps one reason for the growing interest in church is recognition of the good they do.    

I recently spoke at an event celebrating a church’s social action projects and had the opportunity to share why Christians do what we do –that, ultimately, we have discovered the generosity and welcome of God and want to share that with others. A couple of people began to grasp the ‘why’ that evening and began a Christian journey. 

5. Be ready  

Attending a church carol service might not change someone’s life in a moment, but it may be the start of their journey. I always find it good to ask someone how they found the church service or event. And we mustn’t get too defensive if there are aspects they didn’t like! 

People may not automatically agree with every Christian belief. They are likely to have questions - and sometimes that stops us from making the invite in the first place. What if they ask me about how the virgin birth works, or where was God in the killing of the innocents? 

But it’s vital to remember that only God can change someone’s life. Our job is just to share what we have experienced and know of God. We haven’t got to answer all their questions, just be willing to journey with them. 

Our context has changed. The mocking of Christianity has softened. Curiosity has grown. And the Church’s role in addressing real social need is being noticed. So, this Christmas, don’t underestimate the power of a simple, warm invitation. It may be more welcome than you think.