‘I was a drug addicted supermodel lost in the fashion world. Then God found me’

I grew up in the north of England, a normal kid who loved adventure, going to London with my best friends to conquer the world – and believing that we could do anything.

I remember my first modelling trip to New York. I was with [my childhood friend] Henry [Holland]; we gatecrashed a Teen Vogue party. This lady said: “Hello, who are you?” It was Amy Astley, the editor-in-chief. She said: “Would you come with me? I want you to meet Anna [Wintour].”

She put me on the cover of American Vogue as ‘one to watch’. A lot of my career [success] has been from meeting wonderful people in holy moments and them taking a chance on me.

Success and emptiness

The more well known I became, the darker I felt and the more I couldn’t see myself. I got to the top, and it was the loneliest place I’ve ever been.

I had a very heavy, secret drug addiction. I started taking drugs when I was young, before I’d started modelling. I think I was trying to manufacture freedom – somewhere to escape to, somewhere to find relief. 

I said to him: “I’m pregnant right now, and I’m not going to be tomorrow”

I started waking up in random houses, with broken bones, black eyes, getting lost for a long time. I was ashamed that I couldn’t handle it. I was putting on a front and then it started to crack. It was out of my control. Then I went to rehab. This was the first time God came back into my life.

I grew up Catholic. I knew stories of Jesus from going to a Catholic school, and I knew of God. But when I walked into Narcotics Anonymous, “admitting to ourselves and to God that our life had become unmanageable”, I never looked back. I went on a search for meaning and for who I was, because I had lost myself so much.

My bridge to Christ

One Sunday I said to Joel [my now husband]: “Let’s hang out.” He said: “Well, I go to church, so if you want to hang out, you can come with me.” I loved this man, so I was like: “Sure, I’ll go to church with you.” That was the moment I realised people chose to have a faith.

I went to church with Joel for about two years. I still wasn’t a Christian. In that time, we got married and started trying to have a family. I got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage and had to have an operation. That was a big loss at the start of our marriage.

We kept trying and it just wasn’t happening. I started getting diagnoses: “You’re infertile. You’re never going to be able to have kids.” I thought: I don’t think that’s my story.

Joel and his family were praying for miraculous intervention. We found a doctor who told me that my uterus had collapsed and I needed reconstructive surgery. Even though we could reconstruct it, he said there was a really small chance I would ever have kids.

We did all this stuff and I got pregnant. The chances were so small. Then, we got to about eight weeks, and I started to have a miscarriage. I remember saying to Joel: “It didn’t work.” He said: “Jump in the car. We’re going to church.”

The Sunday that saved me

There was a guest preacher at our church called Corey Russell. He was shouting at God to move. I’d never experienced that before. He came to the end of his sermon and went off towards the side. I ran down to this guy. He wasn’t receiving people for prayer, but I went up to him, and he just pointed at me and said: “You get it, don’t you?” I said: “I do.”

At this point I’m in tears. He didn’t know I wasn’t a Christian. I said to him: “I’m pregnant right now, and I’m not going to be tomorrow.” He grabbed my body and started shouting: “A wall of fire around this woman!” He started asking for the glory of God to come down. I was so taken aback, but I was filled with the peace of God that “surpasses all understanding” [Philippians 4:7, ESV].

I walked back to my seat and said to Joel: “Everything’s going to be OK.” I didn’t think that we would have children. I just knew that whatever happened, God was right there. In that moment, I realised God was real. Something happened in my soul. I was brought to my knees, praying and thanking God and Jesus said: “I knew you wouldn’t do this on your own. I knew you wouldn’t die to self, but you would die for your kids, like I died for you.”

We went to the doctors the next day. They turned on the sonogram, and there was the most clear, rapid heartbeat. I can only describe it as a horse going into battle. That was our oldest son. I received the Spirit of God in that moment, and everything changed. 

We have four kids now, all on fire for the Lord. We celebrate that day every year with our son and ask him what he wants to do on his resurrection day. We celebrate it as an altar to Jesus of how He’s moved in our life.

I’ve been physically healed. I’ve been healed of addiction. I’ve been spiritually healed. The brokenness has been restored and redeemed. It goes on and on. 

Agyness Deyn was speaking to Al Gordon at Renaissance London, 2025 renaissancemovement.org