‘My husband abused me. The church told me to forgive him’

Jill was told by church leaders to “forgive” her abusive husband. She explains why such advice amounted to spiritual abuse

Church and abuse are two words that should never be seen together, but there is evidence of this unholy alliance increasing. It includes abuse of power and spiritual abuse. In recent months, accusations have been levelled at prominent leaders such as Alan Scott and Mike Pilavachi. The Archbishop of Canterbury has resigned over failures to guard the CofE from abusers. 

Philip Yancey described it well as far back as 2001. In his book Soul Survivor: How my faith survived the Church, he wrote, “When someone tells me of yet another horror story about the church, I respond, Oh it’s even worse than that. Let me tell you my story”.

I was a teenager studying for a place at university, when I met a young man at church, who showered me with flowers, romantic poetry, and a marriage proposal. My husband believed my role was to support him and my dreams of university were halted. His controlling behaviour developed into bullying, affairs, and abuse of all kinds.