Want your church to grow? Welcome children and let them be noisy

The story of a small Pennsylvanian Chapel updating its policy regarding children in worship (basically, ‘make sure you bring them!’) made me smile.

So, too, did the invariably divided response. It’s a familiar story to us at our church in Eastbourne.

In late 2020, my wife and I arrived at a church that had been warned that we were the ‘last chance saloon.’ It had dwindled to around 20 congregants with one or two children among them. When we arrived (accompanied by four of our friends who had joined the ride) we found a loving, pastoral family that was doing its best to care for one another. With no money, and no other resources, we set about persuading them that our job was to turn our chairs outwards, open the doors and welcome in the community. Everything was done on a shoestring (and still is!) But we rolled up our sleeves and asked God to grow our church with the little we had.

Out of nowhere, two young families arrived. In my head (and I did share it with them later) I called them our ‘Velcro families.’ I knew if they stayed with us, other new families would feel more at home, too. 

The children that came with them began to be, well, children. Not naughty - just themselves – energetic, excitable and noisy. This is exactly what I’d wanted, and we had to model it from the front. If children ran around, I wouldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening, I’d say hello to them and include them in what was going on in the service. When they did something that seemed to make their parents want to cringe, I would laugh from the front, rather than throw a steely glare.  

When we were up to about three children, I could sense one morning that there was some disquiet in the church at the noise. I stopped the service, read out the statistics regarding the number of children in the CofE (which are challenging!) and led us all in a round of applause to give thanks to God for bringing the noise of children into our church. When the children came back (noisily!) from their groups, we’d refer to it as “the joy of Jesus entering the room!”  

Attitudes began to shift, and older members began to delight in their church having new life. Suddenly, unknown grandchildren arrived (with their parents of course) and the church family began to grow. We began to gain a reputation as a church where children were welcome, and where parents didn’t have to fear their child making a noise. More families naturally led to more families coming; but it wasn’t just young people that were coming to our church, we noticed people of all ages wanted to be somewhere where there was life. Rather than trying to be slick and glossy, we embraced what we were – a family. And family comes with mess and noise.  

One morning, a young couple arrived with a baby. During the service, as they tried (unsuccessfully) to make a bottle of powdered milk, the dad slipped and the whole lot went everywhere. He was mortified; I thought it was hilarious and stopped my sermon to tell them so. He later told me that was the moment they chose to make our church home. 

Our older congregation were prepared to trust God’s plan rather than their own, even when it was hard and sacrificial

On another occasion, a new young family arrived and sat at the back. As the service began, I noticed their toddler daughter wriggling, trying to get off dad’s lap so that they could run around. He looked distinctly uncomfortable as he grappled with her, not sure what to do. At this moment, the oldest member of our congregation turned around and said, ”don’t worry, at this church, the children are allowed to be free.” That was the turning point for me. We had the oldest welcoming the youngest to the family. 

We have a reputation as being a bit chaotic, and the first ten minutes of our service usually is (the kids help lead the welcome and opening worship). But after ten minutes, they’re off to their groups, and our service runs like many others: confession, readings, sermon and communion. Towards the end, the kids bundle back in, excited to show us what they’ve done and engender laughter and delight from the adults. 

We started with two children, and now we have over one hundred. Our church family wasn’t built with money, it was down to an amazing, older congregation who wanted their church to grow more than they wanted it to suit them. They were prepared to trust God’s plan rather than their own, even when it was hard and sacrificial. I’m immensely grateful for all of them, and we thank God that He does immeasurably more than we can imagine. 

For more help and resources on raising faith in the next generation, visit premiernexgen.com