When female roles in churches are contested is reconciliation possible?

These days, it’s glaringly obvious how far we are from anything resembling ‘healing’ or ‘wholeness’ in the way men and women relate to each other.

And it’s not just the big headlines - abuses of power or acts of violence - that highlight the divide. It shows up in the everyday, too.

Scroll through your social media platform of choice, glance at the comments, and suddenly the term ‘gender wars’ doesn’t feel so exaggerated. Even in our churches, gender is a wildly contentious issue and a deeply emotional one.

It’s into this melee that Abigail Ruth Flavell’s Healed and Whole speaks, offering a thoughtful call to reconciliation within the Church. Flavell writes with warmth and care about how we might begin to rebuild unity between the sexes in Christian community.

You may be relieved to know that this isn’t another book rehashing the debates between Complementarianism and Egalitarianism - though Flavell does briefly define both. Nor is it a book that argues staunchly for either position; to do so would undermine the very point she’s most intent on making.

What matters most to Flavell isn’t simply whether a woman can preach from a pulpit or if only men should serve as elders. These are important questions - deeply so - but they’re not the main focus here. This book is ultimately about becoming better listeners and creating space in the Church for safer, more honest conversations about gender. It’s about breaking down walls, not reinforcing them.

With this clearly defined mission statement, Flavell uses the story of the two warring women in 1 Kings 3 as a guide to how we should approach gender in the Church. At first, this story may seem out of place and ill-fitting as an analogy. Yet as the book unfolds, this way of reaching into the scriptures becomes increasingly useful – a ‘sword of testing’ to challenge our entrenched ways of thinking.

Through this framework, Flavell points out how important it is for men and women in the Church to surrender their defensiveness, embrace  shared mission, and to work together towards a healthier Church. These are rich and valuable goals.

Healed and Whole is a considered and thoughtful read and when Flavell turns her attention to the dynamics between men and women in the local church, her insight truly shines. Still, the book is less compelling when it turns to intersectionality, particularly in relation to race. While Flavell draws some helpful parallels between how the Church approaches gender and race, these observations often feel too generalised. Readers looking for deeper engagement with issues of race - or expecting any discussion of gender identity, which is notably absent - may find the book raises important questions, but leaves much of the deeper thinking to be done elsewhere.

Where Healed and Whole truly shines is in its ability to lift the reader’s gaze from the mess on the ground to the king above it all. Like the story of the grieving mothers before Solomon - where chaos became the backdrop for the king’s wisdom - Flavell reminds us that even our disunity can become opportunities to grasp amazing grace.

Flavell writes with both conviction and warmth, reminding us that while our arguments may fade, the glory of God endures. What matters most is living fully devoted to Jesus - loving others more than we cling to our doctrines about gender.

If you’re seeking to foster reconciliation in your local church, Healed and Whole is a valuable resource. It gently reminds us how deeply sacrificial following Jesus truly is and encourages open conversation, reciprocal dialogue, and honest reflection on where things have gone wrong. 

Flavell convincingly points out how we tend to read only books that further our own agendas. Whether you agree with the book or not, Flavell invites you to approach it with an open mind and critical judgment. It’s at the intersection of these that you’ll discover the nuance you seek - and, hopefully, a clearer understanding of who this conversation is really about.

Healed and Whole: Biblical Wisdom for Men and Women in Ministry is out now