‘God used Premier Christian Radio to save my life’

I’m originally from Dublin and came to London on holiday when I was 17. I met a man in a pub – I didn’t realise he was an alcoholic – and ended up pregnant and trapped in domestic violence. I was very vulnerable because of abuse that happened to me as a child. I started to use alcohol, cocaine and other Class A drugs. 

I took my kids to school, but when I’d put them to bed, I would start to drink. In 1998, I got to a point where I was really depressed. My father had passed away and I had so many questions: Why am I here? What’s this all about? Is this my life now? 

I struggled deeply during those times, especially with the emptiness that came after using cocaine and alcohol. One night, feeling very low, I got into the bath and said: “God, take me.” In that moment of despair, I heard a noise that startled me awake – a lightbulb had fallen from the hallway and rolled into the bathroom. At first, I thought it was my ex-partner, but when I went into the sitting room, he was fast asleep on the sofa.

I went into the kitchen and turned on the radio. The knob broke in my hand. It was stuck on Premier Christian Radio! I had never heard it before, but I sat there, listening to the preacher. I felt like he was describing my life. He said that even if you’d messed up, there is forgiveness. I got on my knees and received Jesus as my Lord and saviour right there in my kitchen. 

Looking for help

The next morning, still taking cannabis, I heard a voice saying: Caroline, you need help. I thought: I’ve lost it. Now I’m hearing voices! But something propelled me, and I rang the telephone operator and asked for a drugs project. I told the guy on the phone everything I was taking - and about giving my life to Jesus on the kitchen floor. I was crying my eyes out – and I don’t even cry! He said to me: “I think you’ve found something spiritual. I’m not sure you need a drugs project. If I get involved, it means social services…” 

Looking back, I am sure he was a Christian. I was brought up Catholic and had a really bad experience of church. I heard a lot about sin, but never the good news of the gospel. My sister had become a born-again Christian, and I was very against it – I wouldn’t even have her in the house – but the words: ‘born-again Christian’ suddenly popped into my head. I rang the operator again and said: “Can you give me the number of a born-again Christian church?” I rang the number and a man answered. I broke down again, telling him everything. He said: “Would you come to church on Sunday?” 

I was supernaturally delivered from cocaine addiction. God just took it away

At the weekend, I would really binge – and that weekend, I did – but this time, I woke up really early on Sunday morning. I was in a really bad state, but I got dressed and went to church. When the worship started, I sensed something. I didn’t know it was the Holy Spirit. I thought: I just want a hug. At that time, I hated myself and everything around me. I wouldn’t let anybody touch me. Suddenly, this old lady gave me the biggest hug. I thought: How did she know? Her hug released something in me. I broke down. I’d not been touched like that in years. 

Then the pastor spoke about the woman with the issue of blood. She was isolated and trying to fix herself. She went to many doctors but just got worse – then she heard about Jesus and said: “If I just touch the hem of his garment, I’ll be healed” (see Matthew 9:20-21). That’s what addiction was like for me. I was trying to find healing, but I was getting worse. 

The slow walk to freedom

When the preacher gave an altar call, I put my hand up. I thought: What am I doing? I walked up to the front. I don’t think he even touched me, and I fell to the ground. I remember saying: “Lord, please just take this away from me.” When I got up, I was supernaturally delivered from cocaine addiction. God just took it away. 

Somebody handed me a Bible and for days after, I would sit at my table reading it – while still smoking a joint! But one by one, those addictions started to drop off in the presence of God. He was healing everything in me. 

God gave me the courage to leave my abusive relationship. Things had become so bad that my ex-partner threatened to kill me. I had to move out for six weeks, but I went to court and got my home and children back. I was able to forgive my ex-partner, and God has blessed me with a husband – who has lovingly taken my two boys as his own – and a wonderful daughter. 

The Lord used Premier to transform my life. I’m praying God can use it to bring hope to many other people just like me. 

Caroline Chalkley was speaking to Emma Fowle