Gareth Southgate is right about the crisis facing men. The Church is uniquely placed to help

Gareth Southgate’s recent BBC documentary, Changing the Game for Young Men, has sparked an important national conversation. Travelling across the UK and speaking with young men in schools, communities and prisons, he highlights a troubling picture: boys falling behind in education, struggling to find employment, lacking positive role models and wrestling with their mental health. His message is clear: too many young men feel lost, isolated and unsure about their future. 

From my perspective as head of therapeutic support at Transforming Lives for Good (TLG), to be effective in addressing the crisis that Southgate describes, we need to look further upstream.

Before boys become statistics

The question is not only what is happening to young men today, but what happened to them as boys. Long before a young man feels lost or disengaged, there is often a boy struggling to understand his emotions, find his place or believe in his worth. Too often, we intervene only when those struggles have become entrenched. 

I believe our greatest opportunity is not simply to respond to crisis, but to prevent it: recognising struggles early, nurturing resilience and surrounding children with support before crisis becomes their reality. If we want a different future for young men, we must first change the game for boys. 

Childhood is not a waiting room for adulthood; it is where confidence, resilience and belonging take shape. In therapeutic work, we know early experiences and repeated messages about who we are can have a lasting impact. Around half of all mental health conditions are established by the age of 14. Preventative work matters because boys need support before unhealthy patterns become deeply embedded. 

What, then, do boys need from the adults and communities around them? First, relationships that help them feel known beyond their behaviour. The boys I encounter are intelligent, creative and capable, yet struggle with self-esteem, shame and low resilience because they cannot see where they fit.

Before boys become statistics, they are children in our congregations, schools, streets and families. 

What appears to be challenging behaviour is often masking fear, insecurity and a deep need for connection. Some are asking deep questions about life, purpose and identity, but do not always find spaces where those questions are taken seriously and where their person is valued. 

They also need positive role models. When boys have limited access to consistent adult encouragement, through family pressures, parental imprisonment or the shortage of men in education, a trusted adult can be life-changing. Boys do not need flawless heroes; they need dependable people who listen, encourage, challenge and stay. Often, one safe, reliable adult can change a child’s trajectory. 

One trusted adult

Just as importantly, boys need help to understand and express what is happening inside them. I often see anxiety come out as anger, disappointment as withdrawal and uncertainty as disruptive behaviour. What looks like defiance can be fear, insecurity or shame underneath. Without help to recognise and regulate emotions, resilience suffers so setbacks can feel overwhelming and low self-worth can take hold.  

That is why the people around a child matter so much. No boy’s future is shaped in isolation. Children are formed by the relationships, routines and expectations around them. When those relationships offer consistency, care and hope, they can interrupt narratives of failure, isolation or low self-worth. The people around a child really can help change their story. 

This is where the Church has something deeply important to offer. Before boys become statistics, they are children in our congregations, schools, streets and families. Churches do not need to replace schools, families or specialist services, but they can be part of the safety net around a child: places of belonging, consistency and hope. 

This is also why community matters. Southgate rightly points to the decline of community networks. The Church cannot answer every social problem, but it can offer one of the deepest needs exposed by this crisis: rooted, local relationships. In almost every community there is a church that knows its neighbourhood and can mobilise people to serve. 

There are simple but significant ways churches can respond: creating safe spaces where boys are known beyond their behaviour, encouraging men to become positive role models and coaches, supporting parents under pressure, partnering with schools, and speaking openly about emotions, mental health and resilience in ways that are compassionate and free from shame. 

The safety net of church

This is where TLG works alongside local churches. At the heart of our work is a simple conviction: the people around a child can change their story. I see that conviction become practical support as churches turn their desire to serve into safe and effective care, connecting with schools and families so children receive consistency in everyday life. 

Through TLG Early Intervention coaching, trained volunteers build trusted one-to-one relationships with children who need encouragement. Through Therapeutic Hubs, qualified therapists offer specialist support in schools and churches. Through Make Lunch, churches create welcoming spaces where families in and beyond the church can share meals, find belonging and build community. 

Southgate has done the nation a service by spotlighting the struggles facing young men. But if we are serious about changing the game, the response cannot be left to government, schools or families alone. We need communities that notice boys earlier, offer positive role models, build emotional tools and help them believe they have a future. The Church is uniquely placed to be part of that response.  

Across the country, everyday Christians can offer the steady, hopeful presence that helps children feel valued and capable. And when churches are supported by charities like TLG to work safely with schools and families, that presence becomes part of a wider network of care. Together, we can show that the Church is serious about changing the trajectory of children’s lives – offering the relationships, support and hope they need to thrive.