Chine McDonald says she’s often shocked by the unkindness of the words sent to her by those claiming to be Christians
We’ve all heard the saying: “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.” As Christians, we will also be aware of the Bible verses that encourage us to be mindful of the words we speak and recognise their power to build up or tear down. And yet I am often surprised by the unkindness of the words Christians direct at me online, write via email – and even those who go to the effort of sending physical mail to me.
As a Christian who writes and speaks publicly, I try not to be inflated by positive praise or crushed by criticism. But Christians in the public eye speak very little about the human impact of the negativity that is sometimes directed towards them. There are legitimate criticisms, of course, from those who have opposing perspectives. But why do people feel the need for public pile-ons and takedowns? Social media has served none of us well in that respect.
There are also those who clearly have issues of their own – and I was encouraged by a colleague who suggested praying for them rather than being angry. Some feedback I receive can only be classed as hateful and violent. I have blocked some regulars, and reported one to the police – who identified them as a white, middle-aged woman in the US with a professional job!
But what irks me most is those who simply tell me I’m wrong, based on their own supposedly superior knowledge. These communiques come without grace or kindness; their tone is accusatory – and sometimes downright mean. It hurts the most when they sign off: “Yours in Christ”.
As Christians, we are called to model Christ-likeness in everything we do, including how we engage with those we disagree with. So, before penning a response to something you disagree with, perhaps consider these four questions:
1. Can you find a thread of agreement? The key to providing feedback that people listen to is not dismissing their entire message. Show that you have tried to understand where they are coming from.
2. Can you put yourself in their shoes? Consider how it might feel if you were to receive such a comment. Consider how you might soften the language so that it limits the pain caused.
3. Can you take a moment to pray for them? Stop to remember that the person you are critiquing is a child of God. Think about their fragility, their family, their church community, their mental and spiritual health and wellbeing. You may disagree with them, but you can do so kindly.
4. Will your action change anything? Take a moment to consider your aim in letting the person know your thoughts. Is it likely to change their mind? If it’s just about being heard, as a way to deal with your own anger, then put the pen down.
And remember, as it says in Proverbs 16:24: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (ESV).
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