I disagree with my church’s teaching on women in ministry. Should I leave?

Q: Can Christians disagree about women in ministry and still worship together?

My instinct in addressing this question is always to begin with the New Testament’s central concern: the unity of the Church. In our polarised world, we are quick to draw dividing lines and call them deal-breakers. But when you read the apostle Paul carefully, you find that his first instinct is not to divide, but to work patiently towards unity. Letters such as Ephesians and Romans are full of exhortations to maintain the fellowship created in Christ.

In the book of Ephesians, Paul emphasises that believers are to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (4:3, ESV). The unity he refers to is not something we invent; it is something already created through the death and resurrection of Jesus. We just get to participate in it. And so, this means that disagreement within the Church must be handled with great care.

Part of the problem is that modern labels such as ‘complementarian’ (men and women hold different but complementary roles in the Church and/or family) and ‘egalitarian’ (men and women are fully equal in the roles they can fulfil in the Church and family) can be quite misleading. The New Testament does not easily fit into those categories. Paul famously declares in Galatians 3:28 that, in Christ, “there is neither male nor female” (NKJV) – meaning that men and women share equally in the salvation and inheritance of the gospel. Yet Paul also clearly recognises (eg in 1 Corinthians) that men and women are different and often exercise different roles within the community.

But difference does not imply hierarchy. Consider the resurrection narratives. According to John 20, the first person commissioned to announce the resurrection was Mary Magdalene. Jesus did not say: “Find Peter so that a man can announce this.” Instead, he entrusted the first proclamation of the gospel to a woman. That moment should give us pause when we imagine that church leaders must always be male.

Throughout my ministry, I have known many women who sensed a call to Christian service long before their churches were ready to acknowledge it. Some had to wait patiently for years. But when churches eventually recognised those callings, the result was often a flourishing of new and fruitful ministries. At the same time, we must consider that Christians across the world read the relevant texts differently. Cultural contexts also shape how churches approach leadership questions. 

So how should Christians respond when their church holds a different view? My advice is not to rush into division. If a church is faithfully proclaiming the gospel, nurturing disciples, celebrating the sacraments and serving the community, disagreement on this issue does not necessarily require separation. Paul’s teaching in Romans 14 reminds us that Christians can differ on significant matters yet remain in fellowship.

However, there may be situations where the disagreement becomes deeply personal. If someone genuinely believes God has called them to a particular ministry but their church refuses even to consider it, a painful choice may follow, and sometimes the only way forward is to seek a Christian community where that calling can flourish. And yet, even then, the goal should not be bitterness or triumph but hope for eventual reconciliation.

The Church is meant to embody the new humanity that God has created in Christ. That means learning to live together across differences, listening carefully to scripture and, above all, remembering that our unity does not come from winning arguments but from belonging to the same Lord. And that matters more than anything.

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