Family gatherings can be difficult. Here’s what I’m doing about it

So many of us are blessed to be placed in a family. We may have relatives that live within walking distance or a short drive away. We may have family that live a few hours away and we don’t see them that often. It may be that our loved ones live further afield in different countries and continents, but still, they are our family.

Thanks to modern technology, we can hear and see each other through video calls. Most of us remember the video call family gatherings of 2020 (fancy a quiz, anyone?!). But meeting up face to face, the real FaceTime, is the best way to fully embrace and engage with one another.

When gatherings get awkward

Of course, family gatherings aren’t always the most enjoyable settings. Me? I’m sitting on the fence. 

On the one hand, I love seeing my nearest and dearest and cherish the memories we make together. But often, I struggle to be my authentic self with some people as I am so often perceived as being the ‘entertainer’ and ‘life and soul of the party’. When I’m having one of those days where I’m just not feeling it, that expectation feels like a huge pressure to perform.

Being a freelancer, it’s also hard to regularly have an encouraging answer to questions like “how’s work going?” or “what are you working on at the moment?” because sometimes the truth is, “it isn’t” and “nothing”.

What we share with our family can be hard for them to accept as it’s a reflection on them and their guidance

I’m fully aware that is not the answer people want to hear, still I’m learning to be more authentic in my responses to such questions. I can only be a truth-teller and bring light into the world around me if I allow myself to be true to who I am in the Lord and where he has me on my path in that moment.

Families are messy…that’s biblical

Often our families can create the spaces where we feel most judged, most condemned, most disapproved of, and that can cut deep as it should be a place of love, acceptance, and encouragement.

But this tension is not new! The Bible is full of families with messy dynamics.

Just look at Samuel and his corrupt sons. Eli failed to restrain his rebellious sons, bringing judgement on their entire house. Rebekah helped Jacob to deceive Isaac to receive Esau’s blessing. Family dynamics can be deeply flawed. Opening the Bible, we can learn so much from the devastating consequences of failed legacy, parental failure, favouritism, and deception and see where redemption takes place and how we too can take moral lessons from these families into our own.

God is totally for family and I do love mine, despite all our failings and misgivings. But I am also incredibly grateful for the friends that I call family. These are the people who I have chosen to let into my world, to speak life to me, to inspire me, and to cheer me along through the highs and lows that my family either don’t get or choose not to embrace. 

After all, Jesus chose his close friends to do life alongside, and I’ve learned that is okay. Sometimes what we share with our family can be hard for them to accept as it’s a reflection on them and their guidance.

I’ve learned not to take it personally when who I am or what I say and do affects how someone else feels about themselves. “Praise God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! The Father is a merciful God, who always gives us comfort” 2 Corinthians 1:3 (CEV). In prayer, in real FaceTime with my heavenly father, I trust them to the Lord, knowing that God will draw alongside me, and alongside them.