‘My job is not to judge my son's sexuality, but love him’

My son was 14 years of age when I was first called to his school. I was told that he was being bullied because he had confided to friends that he was gay. Unfortunately, one friend was not as trustworthy as my son thought and, before long, the news had spread like wildfire.   

It was a surprise to have my son’s sexuality confirmed in this way, but it didn’t really come as a shock. Call it Mother’s intuition, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he might be gay. From a young age, he was very different to other boys. I worried about what the future might hold for him but, fundamentally, nothing changed in our relationship. I loved him as I had always done and tried to support him the best way I knew how. 

Life changing love 

A year or so later, I had a life changing moment. I found faith on an Alpha course and met with the Holy Spirit. In my growth as a new Christian, I began to realise that conversations with Christians about sexuality and gender often centred around what an offence it was to God to be gay.   

An internal struggle started. I loved God, but I was fiercely protective of my son and there was no way that I was going to let my faith come between us. So, I started to do some research.   

It is not up to me to judge - or the rest of the world for that matter 

I read the verses in the Bible that related to being gay. I read books on how these scriptures were interpreted, from both heterosexual and same-sex attracted (SSA) writers. Very quickly, I concluded that the interpretation presented by SSA writers just didn’t add up.   

I felt traumatised by one book that implied Ruth and Naomi were lesbians. I knew that God’s word was the truth, but the inner conflict still raged, and the questions in my head wouldn’t rest. Can you be born gay? It seems more research is required on that one. Some theories suggested that a bump to the head can cause same-sex attraction. Did I cause my son to be gay by not being vigilant enough to protect him from childhood injury?  

I kept taking these questions to God. It helped me to understand that no sin is greater than any other. Having an affair, exploding in anger or gossiping with a friend - all of us have fallen short. It is knowing Christ as our Lord and Saviour that saves us from sin.

But therein lay another dilemma.

Twice my son got to the point of giving his life to the Lord - and twice he turned away, because he knows his lifestyle doesn’t line up with God’s word. I invited him on The Bible Course, but the first session is all about Genesis, which of course starts with God creating man and woman.   

I loved God, but I was fiercely protective of my son 

My son politely informed me that he believed in God, but he didn’t believe in the Bible. He doesn’t understand how hard it is to separate the two. The Bible is God’s revelation to human beings - you can’t abandon it. He refused to complete the course. 

I am full of compassion for my son. I feel that he has been dealt a raw deal. Does God really expect him to live alone? But to follow Christ is sacrificial. We all have to contend with being born into a broken, sinful world. Even so, it is an incredibly tough call to live a celibate life.   

Fresh revelation  

One day, I was browsing a seaside gift shop while on holiday. On a display of coasters, each with a name and its meaning, I saw my son’s name, “Daniel”. Underneath was written: “God is my Judge”.   

In that moment, I found complete rest.  

It is not up to me to judge - or the rest of the world for that matter. It is God’s business alone. It is my job to love and direct my son towards Christ and to keep praying for him.  

As Christians, the greatest and most important gift God gives us is his love. We are instructed to pour that love out to others, regardless of their sexual orientation. As far as I’m concerned, anyone from the LGBTQ community who walks into the church that I serve will get a very warm welcome from me.