Feeling stuck in your faith? You aren’t alone. Try this

In 2010, Jessica Watson became the youngest person to sail around the world unassisted. She was 16 at the time and spent 210 days at sea, alone, contending with hurricane-force winds, waves twice the size of a house and, at one point, found herself upside down and 15 feet underwater! 

But one of her biggest struggles – when her morale sunk the lowest – was when she hit an area known as ‘the doldrums’. This region of the ocean, more catchily known as the Intertropical Convergence Zone, has no wind. And on a sailboat, no wind means you ain’t going nowhere. 

In my work as a researcher, coach and sort-of-pastor, I often talk with Christians who have had a faith for a long time. An exercise I often do with people involves sharing a list of 24 adjectives and asking them to choose the three that best describe where they’re at in their discipleship journey. Lots of people choose positive words, such as ‘thankful’ and ‘faith-filled’, but a big chunk also select the words ‘flat’ and ‘stuck’. As the conversations unfold, these folk share that, in the ocean of faith, they find themselves in the spiritual doldrums. 

We shouldn’t assume that a normal journey with Jesus is going to be one of constant wind in our sails, sunlight sparkling on the surface of the sea and breaching dolphins flanking the bow of our boat as it skips over the swell. The Bible makes it clear that we’ll face a mix of tempests, breezes – and doldrums. What caused me to sit up and pay attention isn’t that people are experiencing seasons of ‘stuckness’, but years of it. 

This isn’t just a few people, either. What troubles me the most is that this experience isn’t being ‘diagnosed’, and what remains undiagnosed remains untreated. It seems there are an awful lot of boats languishing in the middle of the ocean, wondering: Is this it, then?

Perhaps this is where you’re at. Or maybe some people in your church are. If so, the first thing I want to say is: well done for staying on the boat! It’s tough. Perhaps you’re feeling a bit like Peter in John 6. Jesus has just said some hard-hitting stuff, and he’s suddenly about as popular as Margaret Thatcher at a miners’ strike. Then he turns to his disciples and asks: “Do you guys want to leave me, too?” Peter replies: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (v68). 

If that’s you – stuck in the doldrums, but sticking with Jesus – remember our saviour’s great affirmation for those who stay the course: “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). He sees your faith and your perseverance, and he loves you. And not only does he love you and affirm you right where you are, he can help you rediscover the wind in your sales. You can get unstuck. 

Why we get stuck

Before we turn our attention to getting unstuck, let’s think about what might be leading to this pandemic of long-term stuckness.

I wonder if one factor is the lack of an appropriate metaphor for what long-term growth actually looks like. We can imagine what growth looks like for a young person, or for someone who’s recently come to faith, and we can help them along that path. But what about the machine operator and father of two teenagers who became a Christian 30 years ago? Or the 75-year-old dog-walking, fitness-class-going, coffee-morning volunteer who became a Christian when she was eight? What does growth look like for them?

We shouldn’t assume that a normal journey with Jesus is going to be one of constant wind in our sails

Back when I was a teenager, it was all about being ‘on fire’ and ‘sold out for Christ’. The language suggested hard, fast, relentless discipleship: more Usain Bolt than Mo Farah. 

There’s nothing wrong with zeal and intensity. The apostle Paul wrote to Christians in Rome: “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord” (Romans 12:11). This sounds like it fits with a ‘live fast, die young’ kind of theology. But read the next verse. In 12:12 he says: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” His call to zeal is tempered by his call to steadfast, faithful, long-range discipleship.

Life lasts quite a while these days. Also, most adult Christians found their faith at a young age. With this in mind, we need to find ways of thinking about Christian growth that span more than just our teenage years or the first six months after conversion; we need an image that lasts a lifetime. For me, I’m particularly drawn to the picture Psalm 1 paints for us. The author extols a life of consistent holiness, characterised by internalising the words of God. “That person”, he writes, “is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither –whatever they do prospers” (Psalm 1:3).

The growth of a tree in the first couple of years is pretty rapid, but there’s still a long way to go. There’s a huge difference between a sapling and a 50-year-old sycamore. This organic image might not be exciting, but it is beautiful, and it gives me hope. It honours those early years of spiritual growth I experienced as a late teen. It helps me recognise what God has done in the 20 or so years since then. And it points me towards what the next 30, 40 or 50 years of life with God could look like. I’ve grown a lot, but there’s more to come. It’s both hopeful and achievable. I can keep growing. You can too!

Growing culture

We now turn to the issue of church culture. As we do so, I want to approach this with the scalpel of a surgeon, not the axe of a maniac. Any punk can kick dirt in the eye of the local church, but that gets us nowhere and changes nothing.

My thinking here has been helped by pastor and author John Mark Comer, and his reflections on a model of spiritual growth called The Critical Journey (Sheffield Publishing, Inc). Developed by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich from Fuller Seminary, this outlines six stages we pass through in our spiritual development. At stage one, we recognise God and enter into faith. In stage two, we learn the nuts and bolts of what it means to live as a Christian and begin getting our house in order. 

In stage three, we move into “the productive life”. We know a fair bit of the Bible, we’ve dealt with lots of our obvious mess and we might be part of the lay leadership of the church or head up a small group. 

When we get here, there’s kind of an unspoken assumption within our church communities that we’ve made it; we’ve grown as much as we’re going to. From here on in, we focus on being present and productive, but there’s little expectation that we’ll keep progressing. 

Recently, I had a conversation that was indicative of this culture in some churches. It still haunts me. In a coaching session with a lady in her 50s, we were discussing where she’s at in her faith and how she would like to grow. As the session drew to an end, she said: “This is the first time I’ve ever had a conversation with somebody about my growth.” This lady has spent her entire adult life in really solid churches, yet she’d not had a single conversation with someone about her spiritual growth. She’d reached stage three, and that was that.

Christian growth spans more than just our teenage years or the first six months after conversion

No model is perfect, but The Critical Journey helps us understand there is more to the Christian life than just becoming a productive member of a church community. At some point, we are likely to face a crisis in our lives, whether internal or external. As we wrestle with God, we can hit ‘the wall’, which can make forward progress look and feel impossible. 

At this point, we might give up entirely. Or we may even find ourselves beginning to ‘edit’ what biblical faith is – ignoring the bits we don’t like or find uncomfortable, and adding in some things we think should be there. Or we just settle in stage three.

But stage four is about drawing near to God and letting him do his deep (and often painful) work in us, so that we can start moving again. This internal struggle then leads us back outwards and into stage five, where we work out what it means for us to ‘live out’ the change that happened to us in stage four, in genuine service to others. The ultimate goal is stage six: the life of love. 

Outwardly, at least at first glance, someone in stage five or six might look pretty similar to someone in stage three. But under the bonnet, there’s a qualitative difference. The wrestling with God and self is bringing about a deep change: more peace, greater self-awareness, a more settled trust in God, a deeper resting in his love and a more selfless love for others.

As I say, no model is perfect – a 3D life with God is never going to map perfectly onto a 2D diagram! But what I like about this model is it shows deep and ongoing change is possible, even after many years on the journey.

How to get unstuck

Let’s move now from the triage room to the treatment table. What might help us, or those we care about, get moving again? 

One-to-one conversations: What’s struck me over the past few years is that with the right kind of conversation, it generally doesn’t take long for someone to disclose their stuckness. It’s not unusual for this to come up in the first conversation I have with someone, and even within the first 15 minutes of it!

It’s not like you have to drill down deep: people are generally pretty willing to share where they’re at – and talk about where they would like to get to. All it takes is for somebody who genuinely cares to create a safe space – whether that’s informally over a coffee or a pint, or slightly more formally in a pastoral or mentoring session. 

Conversations create an opening for people to talk about thoughts they might be conscious or semi-conscious of, but so far, have not articulated. When a person says something out loud, they hear themselves saying it, and this can help them make sense of their own life. It is also a great relief just to share with another human sometimes. 

When someone has expressed where they are, conversation provides room for them to think about where they would like to get to. Perhaps it’s rediscovering intimacy with God, a deeper experience of joy, a desire to learn or a sense of God’s purpose for their work and everyday life. 

Once someone has articulated where they want to get to, you might work with them to explore some actions they could experiment with. You could start with the question: “What are one or two things you could try to help you take a step forward?” 

In researching churches who are discipling people for everyday life over the long haul, a theme that came up repeatedly was that they had a culture of conversation. Whether ordained leaders, lay leaders or regular members, they were having intentional conversations with others, and it was helping people to keep growing. 

Refreshing spiritual practices: You’ve probably heard the expression “every system is perfectly designed to keep getting the results it’s already getting”. It’s as true in spiritual growth as it is in business. Sometimes, at least part of the reason people get stuck is because they’ve stopped engaging with spiritual practices altogether; and sometimes it’s because they’ve carried on engaging with practices that aren’t really helping. They stick with them “because that’s what I’ve always done”. It’s amazing how often the word ‘should’ crops up too.

If you’re stuck, know that you have permission to stop doing something, to change something or experiment with something new. If you’re just reading Bible notes because you think you should, try ditching them for a month and see how you get on without them. Try connecting with the Bible some other way. Or if you find yourself sat on the sofa, dreading praying through your prayer list, maybe take a walk around the block or to a field and pray for whatever comes into your head. 

There is more to the Christian life than just becoming a productive member of a church community

To help us receive God’s grace, wisdom and power in our lives, there are certain elements we will always want to have in the mix: prayer, Bible, reflection, confession, thanksgiving, other people and so forth. But how, where, when and with whom – you have permission to experiment. It’s OK to change your routine and see if something else works better, even if it’s just for a season.

Moving forward

So, if you find yourself in a season of feeling stuck, the best thing you can do is talk to another Christian you trust: a friend or a church leader, coach or spiritual director. People will meet you where you are, and the good ones will also travel with you as you seek to move forward.

And whatever your role in church life, God can work through you to help others get unstuck. Taking a genuine interest in other people, creating safe spaces and asking curious questions is an incredible gift to others. It might be just the conversation someone who’s stuck is longing to have.