‘Falling pregnant at university made me feel like a failure. But God had a plan’

Being a single parent in the Church can be a challenging experience, says Emily Beater, as she recalls her own journey towards Jesus

I certainly didn’t intend to go to church that day, or any other day for that matter. It was the January of my return to university, and the ground was ice-cold; the trees still rusted with dirt and gold. The year before, an unexpected pregnancy in Freshers’ Week (and the mental health crisis that followed it) had led me to temporarily suspend my degree. 

When I returned to the University of Oxford twelve months later, I was living with the father of my child, our three-month-old baby and the firm conviction that I had let everyone down. Now, only the most stellar academic success, combined with perfection as a mother, could redeem me. I adored my daughter, with her grey-green eyes and gurgling mouth, and would weaken with love at the scent of her head. But the stereotypes of failure we attach so instinctively to young mothers had sunk, like rot, into my bones. I was convinced that a faultless performance in every aspect of my life was my only option.