After their child came out as transgender and cut off all contact, the grief for Christian parents Gary and Leah was profound. But it is possible to keep loving in the silence — with grace, humility and hope — even when reconciliation feels out of reach, says Sarah Sedgwick
“Mum, Dad… I’m transgender.”
That was the message. No greeting, no invitation to talk — just a quiet declaration, sent by text the day after Kevin’s* 19th birthday. This certainly wasn’t a conversation starter — it was a statement.
When his parents Gary and Leah — a faithful Christian couple — shared this moment with me, their voices trembled as they remembered the silence that followed.
Stunned, they replied with love — but also with questions and concern. They didn’t pretend to understand. Their response, in hindsight, was clumsy. “We needed time to process,” Gary told me later. “We were trying to be loving and truthful at the same time, and we didn’t get it right.”
They assumed there would be space to keep talking, but that never happened.
In the six months since that message, they haven’t heard from Kevin again. Their texts go unanswered; mother’s and father’s day have passed without a word. One attempt to send a care package through a local pastor was rejected. The message came back: he doesn’t want contact.
He remains in touch with his older siblings, which has created a tension Gary and Leah struggle to address — the unspoken elephant in the room. While it’s comforting to know he’s safe and functioning, the door to his parents remains firmly closed, and that’s painful.
As we talk, the question they return to isn’t, “Why did he do this?” It’s: “What do we do now, as Christian parents who still love him?”
Estrangement as a cultural script
It doesn’t take much digging to see how online spaces such as Reddit, TikTok and Discord are shaping young adults’ ideas of family and identity. A recurring narrative encourages them to cut parents off if they don’t immediately affirm their child’s identity; parents are painted as harmful, dangerous even. “Ghosting” isn’t always just personal — it’s cultural. There’s a distinctive script, and it’s leaving a growing number of Christian parents grieving in silence.
Yet what’s impressed me most about Gary and Leah is what they’ve chosen to do in the absence of answers.
They’ve refused bitterness. They’ve humbled themselves. They’ve started asking different questions — not “How do we get him back?” but “How can we become the kind of parents who are ready, if he ever does return?”
For parents who’ve been ghosted by their children, there are no quick fixes…But there is still love, and love that waits is not a love that quits.
They’ve studied alone and with others. They’ve prayed. They’ve wept. They’ve looked hard at their own hearts. They’ve written messages, some of which they may never send, not to manipulate or control, but to confess their failings and seek forgiveness; messages that seek to open the door to reconciliation and relationship.
They’ve chosen compassion without surrendering their faith — learning to love with depth and humility while standing firm in their convictions. In a culture that often demands unconditional affirmation, they are not capitulating but quietly resisting the pressure to abandon their faith to be seen as “good” parents.
“We’re committed to holding fast to our beliefs,” Leah said, “and through that commitment, we believe our love will shine unmistakably. When we hear from Kevin again, we want to welcome him with open hearts — free from fear or pride.” And we want Kevin to see the change in us.
For parents who’ve been ghosted by their children, there are no quick fixes. No perfect words. No guaranteed outcomes. But there is still love, and love that waits is not a love that quits.
It’s the love of the Father who ran to the prodigal, the shepherd who left the 99, the love of Christ who looked out over Jerusalem and wept.
How to love a child who has cut you off
1. Love in the quiet
Keep showing gentle, steady care — even if there’s no response. Send simple messages: “Thinking of you today,” a photo of something familiar, or a memory you cherish. No pressure, no preaching — just presence. Let your child know your love hasn’t disappeared, even if your connection has.
2. Grieve honestly, but not alone
You need space to weep — but also people who’ll challenge your heart, not just echo your pain. Find support that leads you toward humility, healing, and prayer—not bitterness. Let God shape your grief into compassion, not control.
3. Stay open — but stay grounded
Be ready to receive your child as they are — not to argue them back, but to love them well. This may mean using a new name or navigating hard conversations. That’s not surrender — it’s relationship. And only through relationship can you share the hope of Jesus in a way that can truly be heard.
I don’t know how Gary and Leah’s story will end. But I do know that they are walking this journey with extraordinary courage. They are loving in the dark, hoping without control and maturing their faith, without guarantees.
And in a world quick to sever ties, their faithfulness is a quiet act of resistance.
*All names have been changed
For more advice for Christian parents seeking to raise faith in the next generation visit premiernexgen.com
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