Festival Tent Graphic

Festival Bingo

Amid the glacial showers and enriching Bible teaching of festival season, you may need some light relief. Use our handy guide to see who you can spot this summer.

The Overzealous Steward

An overzealous steward at a Christian festival

Key Identifiers: Hi-vis jacket, megaphone, clipboard, radio mic. Walks with an air of knowing They Have The Power.

Festival Heaven: Shouting ‘No wristband, no entry.’

Festival Hell: People with press passes insisting they don’t have to queue like everyone else.

The Overworked Pastor

The Overworked Pastor at a Christian Festival

Key Identifiers: A slowly appearing look of resignation as the much-hoped-for week of teaching and refreshment turns into a 24/7 counselling fest.

Festival Heaven: The 20 minutes carved out on Saturday afternoon to catch up with an old college buddy.

Festival Hell: A 3am knock at the tent door...

The Teenage Hipster

A Christian teenage hipster at a festival

Key Identifiers: Eyeliner, new boyfriend’s hoody, youth Bible.

Festival Heaven: The 3am campfire putting the world to rights while someone plays Coldplay songs on the guitar.

Festival Hell: Anything involving parents, main sessions, or early mornings.

The Atheist Spouse

The reluctant atheist spouse at a Christian festival

Key Identifiers: A hopeful Christian spouse hoping that this will be the summer they finally meet Jesus.

Festival Heaven: Apparently there’s a pub near the site showing the football on Saturday afternoon…

Festival Hell: Accidentally wandering into a seminar which involves prophecy, laying on of hands and praying in tongues.

The Kit Junkie

The  Christian Festival kit junkie

Key Identifiers: Sensible deckchair for outdoor seminars, headtorch, packed lunch, thermos and highlighted programme.

Festival Heaven: Finding out those with the early bird tickets are entitled to a free T-Shirt and a signed picture of the main stage speaker.

Festival Hell: A last-minute venue change throws the schedule ALL OFF.

Extra points for spotting…

Festival Bingo Extra Points

Undercover Reporter

The atheist working for a national broadsheet whose been sent to write an expose on how all Christian festivals are brainwashing people.

The Glampers

Refuse the tents and stay in a local BnB. With glossy hair, bag-free eyes and an absence of grime, they are the envy of everyone by Day 3. Much less likely to snooze through seminars.

The Shambles

Turns up late with a tent but no poles. Misses all sessions apart from accidently stumbling into a talk on ‘eschatology in 21st century urban communities with a missional (but not intentional) deliberately incarnational slant’.

« Back to the May issue

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